15 Weeks (+5) - Baby #2

I have been a horrible slacker on this blog since we lost our laptop :( I'm going to take a moment and really reflect and be HONEST on my pregnancy up til now.   It is 180 degrees different than my experience with Brycen.  I loved EVERY minute with Brycen and truly thought #2 would be the same (how naive of me).  While I haven't been sick, it seems like everything else that can go wrong has - and while I totally understand that it could be so much worse, I just cannot seem to enjoy this pregnancy. AT ALL.   And I feel guilty for that.   If it wasn't the sheer exhaustion in the beginning, it was the all over rash, and then the headaches started (EVERY day at 3pm), and then Brycen would come home from day care excited to see me, and I couldn't stand to be around him - not because I didn't want to be, but because my head felt like it was going to explode.  I feel like I haven't left the couch since I found out I was pregnant nearly 11 weeks ago.   I get that he will never remember mommy not playing with him, being able to pick him up, etc. but his father and I wanted another child... this isn't something HE asked for, nor should HE be the one to pay the price.    Serious mommy guilt to say the least.   On top of that, with the bleeding, I don't feel like I've let myself connect with this pregnancy as much because I'm constantly fearing that it's going to end.  I'm terrified of relaxing.   I feel like once one thing goes away, it's replaced with another symptom/annoyance/fear.   I'm just waiting for the break...   Weekly Stats and Reflection Date: Monday, February 18, 2013 How far along? 15 weeks 5 day According to countdownmypregnancy.com, baby #2 is the size of an avocado:  

Size: 4.57 inches Weight: 3.53 ounces   Weight gain - won't know until my 16 week dr appointment  Food aversions - BBQ (Anything smoked), Italian sausage (anything with fennel) Cravings - orange and grape Popsicles Symptoms - still spotting intermittently, sleeping like SHIT, headaches, rashes/hives Movement - flutters Gender - thinking girl - will find out March 6 with another ultrasound March 20 Goal for the coming week - drink more and eat better Looking forward to - feeling human and beginning to enjoy the pregnancy How Brycen is doing - He now says sister and Kenzie.  When asked where his sister/Kenzie is, he points to my belly.